[04/04, 17:01] Amitabh Srivastava: The English Lesson
by Richard Krogh
Published in the 1800s
We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
When couldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give a boot - would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese?
Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!
So our English, I think you will all agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see.
I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt)
A moth is not a moth in mother.
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there.
And dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose --
Just look them up -- and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!
[04/04, 17:05] Amitabh Srivastava: Classic! O God !!! Could not help laughing. ...
Why only Indians are Reborn (based on the Karma system)
Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said:
'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians here in Heaven and they are causing problems.They're swinging on the pearly Gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce & Gabbana saris instead of their white robes, they are driving Mercedes and BMW’s instead of the chariots, and they're selling off their halos at discounted prices''.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas & drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!
They do not believe in discipline and push their way through the line.'
The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children.
If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'
Gabriel calls Satan on the phone…
Satan answers the phone: 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.'
Satan returns to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
Gabriel: 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'Satan says: 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.
'After about 2 minutes, Satan returns to the phone andl says: 'I'm back. Now what was the question?'
Gabriel repeats the question: 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'
Satan says: 'Man I don't believe this... Hold on.' This time Satan was gone at least 5 minutes.
He returns and says: "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and are trying to make Hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire, which is there to keep them uncomfortably hot !!
And since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone & Internet connection between Heaven & Hell, between ME & GOD !!
They have started a social network service for the troubled, and believe in Karma, and are good in convincing others.
Some were trying to start a chai pakora, chole-batura, dosa & samosa, barfi, chakli and dhokla shop, which I had to stop.
They are excellent in corrupting everyone, and my staff is being bribed by them.
I am having difficulty in controlling the graft and corruption in Hell.
They never complain as this place seems to be better than from where they came.
I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them.
I am therefore requesting, "O GOD, PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive - for re-birth."
So now we all know –
"why Indians are the only ones that are re-born".
